Seven Ways to Make Change Easier

Seven Ways to Make Change Easier
by Marta Kagan
Business Coach, Life Coach & Motivational Speaker


*Question: "How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?"
Answer: "Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change." *

There's a reason why the phrase, "People don't change," is so popular. Change is hard. Change requires us to take risks, to step outside of our comfort zones, and to be fully conscious of our choices and actions.

But let's be very clear about one thing. People can change. And while it's true that most people don't, the fact is that one's behavior, attitude, and perspectives are infinitely malleable. The possibility for change is always present.

In my work as a life coach, I help people make changes in their lives all the time. I can personally attest to the fact that people CAN change; and that people DO change. What I'll share with you now are the seven most common obstacles to change - and a few tips for overcoming them. May they help you in achieving profound, positive and lasting changes in your own life!

*People don't change because they "should"... but they don't really want to. *

Do any of these "should's" sound familiar?:

"I should lose 20 pounds."
"I should quit smoking."
"I should finally write that book."

The problem is that what you should do often bears little resemblance to what you want to do. And you really have to want something in order to sustain the effort and commitment that true change demands. Next time you catch yourself saying, "I really should..." ask yourself why? If you can't come up with at least three compelling, personal reasons ("Because my boyfriend wants me to" is NOT a compelling, personal reason to anyone but your boyfriend), I suggest you consider putting your efforts toward a more rewarding pursuit.

Let me repeat: change is hard! The more you want it, the easier it will be. Change that is driven by something you are DYING to achieve or overcome provides far more motivation than change that is fueled by a desire to please, appease, or impress someone.

Tip #1: Skip the "should's" and focus on the changes that really matter. This is YOUR life. The only thing you "should" do is live it on purpose!

*People don't change because the results aren't immediate.*

Humans are very 'instant gratification-oriented' creatures. We don't naturally think long-term. Ask the average person where they'd like to be five years from now and you're likely to get a resounding, "I have no clue."

The point is, the more immediate the benefits of making a change, the more likely you are to succeed in making it. That's why a person can drop 10 pounds in a week for their high school reunion but can't fathom losing 50 pounds in a year - despite the significantly greater benefits of the latter.

Tip #2: Even if the change you wish to make is a "long-term investment", define at least one immediate benefit of getting started. Once you've realized the first "immediate" benefit, define the next one. Repeat this process until the overall change is complete.

*People don't change because they don't know where to begin.*

Changing behavior can feel like climbing a mountain - completely overwhelming, treacherous, and exhausting. It's easy to get stuck endlessly plotting your course - but never quite getting started.

The very best way to begin climbing a mountain is this: one small step at a time.

Tip #3: Instead of trying to "tackle the mountain," focus on just taking the first step. Define one 'bite-size' thing you can do immediately to start moving in the direction of your ultimate goal.

*People don't change because they're afraid - of failure, rejection, or simply "the unknown." *

Change is not only hard - it's scary! What if you fail? What if your friends/family don't like the "new and improved" version of you? What if...?

Humans - like most animals - have an unconscious tendency toward homeostasis - the urge to continue doing what they've always done. This "homeostatic impulse" can be so irresistible that people will actually recreate an unpleasant - but familiar - situation for themselves, simply because that familiarity is comforting.

Have you ever know someone who lost a job they absolutely hated and then went out looking for the very same job someplace else? Or someone who repeatedly leaves one unhealthy or abusive relationship for another one? That's our homeostatic impulse in action.

The point is, our fear of the unknown exerts a powerful influence over us. Powerful enough to keep us in homeostasis indefinitely.

Tip #4: When we're afraid, we feel powerless. Take back your power by taking action. Next time you're stuck in homeostasis, ask yourself this question: Do I really want to go through life feeling afraid and missing out on so much of the joy that life has to offer? Act accordingly!

*People don't change because they don't have support. *

There are plenty of skeptics, critics, and saboteurs out there - and they certainly don't make the process of change any easier. Plus, there's that nagging chatterbox in your head that's always willing to deliver some fuel for the self-doubt fire.

Tip #5: Get support! Identify the people in your life who are likely to encourage and support you and share your plans/goals with them. Ask them to be your 'support team' - someone who can talk you off a ledge when the going gets really tough.

*People don't change because their expectations are out of line with their efforts. *

Let me put this simply: you can't plant oats and expect to get barley. You will - whether you believe me or not - ultimately reap whatever it is that you sow.

I had a client a few weeks ago who said to me, "I've been trying so hard to get over this relationship and move on with my life, but I just can't seem to get anywhere!" When I asked her what steps she was taking to "move on" , she couldn't come up with any! "I'm staying busy, you know, working a lot." - Which is exactly what she was up to before the break up. Nothing about her life, her attitude, or behavior had changed. What's more, she was still spending up to an hour a day on the phone with her ex-! Talk about expectations out of line with efforts.

Tip #6: Get real and get honest (with yourself, that is). If you're trying but not seeing the results that you'd hoped for, take a good long look at the efforts you're making and realign them with the expectations you've set.

*People don't change because they forget that change is a process, not merely a result. *

There are four distinct stages in the process of change:

Stage 1: Discovery. "Oh, that's what's happening."
Stage 2: Static awareness. "It's happening again - but I don't know what to do about it."
Stage 3: Empowered awareness. "It's about to happen again... and I'm going to try a new approach in an effort to change the outcome."
Stage 4: Reflection. "I remember when that used to happen!"

While it's the result you're ultimately working toward, there is progress worth acknowledging along the way as well! It's not an "all or nothing" endeavor. Every step you take toward a goal is change.

Tip #7: Give yourself credit. Acknowledge your progress. And be patient! It's taken you years to develop the habits, behaviors, and attitudes that you have now. It just might take a few weeks or months to change them!

(Note: Research shows that it takes an average of 21 days for your brain to form a new neural pathway - a new "cow path" that allows messages to move rapidly from brain to muscle and back again. Which means, it takes an average of 21 days for a human to "learn" a new skill. In my experience as a life coach, behavior change takes even longer - between 90 and 180 days on average. Changes in attitude or perspective, however, can happen much more rapidly.)

Charles Darwin once said, "The species that survive are usually not the smartest or the strongest, but the ones most responsive to change." Change is vital to our survival. It is a skill worth mastering; a challenge worth confronting. Homeostasis will always be there, ready and willing to welcome you back - so don't be afraid to take a little trip beyond her reach.

Change has an amazing, empowering effect on all of us, a thought well captured in the following quote: "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."

Exactly.

© 2004 Marta Kagan


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