Decisions

For some of us, making a decision is the hardest thing in the world. I know my husband hates to do it and usually wants me to pick the movie, the restaurant, the shirt he should wear. If faced with making his own decision, he goes into "tilt" function (those of you old enough to have played pin-ball know what that means). His dilemma, I believe stems from two sources.

Firstly, the overload of input, which requires organization and orderly thinking, and secondly, the fear of making the wrong choice.

What if we spend our money on a movie and then it is not a very good one? What if the other one would have been better? What if he orders tacos and, as soon as he takes the first bite, he realizes, that he's really in the mood for a quesadilla? Perhaps that is why it takes him 10 minutes to decide what to order at the Taco Bell drive-through. Perhaps that is why cafeteria style dining always stresses him out.

All joking aside, deciding is a slow process. Often people try to rush you to make you accommodate their schedule. You should take your time though. Generally, if you feel uncomfortable making a choice, wait.

If time really is not a factor, disregard it. Take the time to listen inside of you to find out what it is that you really want, need or need to do. It is ok to ask other people for their input, but remember the decision is yours to make. You cannot base decisions on other's opinions, but you should consider what they tell you and weigh the facts.

Be aware of the motives behind others' advice. Sometimes they will have their own interests at heart, not yours. Once you have considered the facts and your feelings about them, try to find the solution that you think will make you the happiest or that will solve the problem or fit the situation the best. Understand your reason for your decision. Be aware of the consequences, the benefits and the losses or sacrifices involved in making this decision. (Remember, if you order tacos, you won't have enough money for the quesadilla).

And here comes the important point. Once you have decided, it is time to follow through. DO NOT LOOK BACK. Do not second-guess yourself. Once you have decided on the tacos, put all your effort into enjoying those tacos. Don't waiste another thought on the quesadilla. If you do, you will always feel ambivalent about your decision. If you still crave a quesadilla after dinner, make a mental note to order it next time you go out.

This step is extremely important in making decisions. You have taken your time and you have thought about it deeply. You have decided, weighing all the facts you had at your disposal. Now it is time to feel good about the decision you made. You earned it!

Many people are afraid to make a decision to quit a destructive habit, such as smoking, gambling, doing drugs, obsessing about a relationship, etc. This is a different kind of deciding. You already have the facts. You know it is destructive. There is no need to think about it. So why do you still wait? Again, I believe there are two reasons.

Firstly, we fear the finality of the decision and its consequences. (What if I have withdrawals? What if on the next draw, I could have hit the big jackpot? What if he changes and treats me better again?) Be honest and realistic with yourself. What are the odds?!

Secondly, we again have trouble with that last step in decision making:
The choice to wholly embrace the decision we have made and to be happy with it.

Here's a little help with that one. Formulate your decision in a positive way. Instead of "I am going to quit smoking" say: "From this day on, I am a non-smoker, and I'm proud of it." Decision is made. Steps are taken, and you can even be happy with it.

Making good, solid decisions build self-esteem. It shows you how competent you are. It lets you know that you can trust yourself. So, what if your decision turns out to be not so good? Well, then you think about it some more and you make another decision. Say, you went to see "Ya-ya-Sisterhood" and the movie stank (to you). No matter what you say to yourself, you really didn't like the flick. Then make the decision to go see a better movie soon.

Reward yourself for trying. You still did the work, even if you didn't like the results.Sometimes our decisions have negative impact on our lives or the lives of people we care about. Sometimes, it seems that there is nothing we can do to fix the damage. We can examine our decision-making process and see if we need to improve on it.

If we have truly done all we can and things still turn out wrong, then we may have to decide to live with it, to embrace our mistakes and forgive ourselves for being fallible human beings:

We have to decide to let go.

Tyger


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