Build Your Self-Confidence

Build Your Self-Confidence

Believe in Yourself
by Marta Kagan
Business Coach, Career Coach, & Motivational Speaker

Confidence. It's the catch-22 of success. You need confidence in
order to achieve success; yet confidence seems to grow best in the
nurturing light of success. It's a perpetual issue. Even the
generally confident person tends to lack self-assurance in some
areas of life.

For example, some people are whizzes at business but
can't find their groove in a romantic relationship. Others are
completely comfortable engaging deeply in one-on-one conversations,
but feel self-conscious and shy in groups.

Even those who exude self-confidence in virtually all aspects of
life, often encounter significant self-doubt and unease in the
context of a big change or a risky new challenge (personal or
professional).

The fact is that confidence is a challenge for everyone. Even those
people who seem cool and collected 24/7 inevitably deal with
confidence issues somewhere, sometime in their lives. Self-doubt,
negative thinking, fear of failure – these are universal elements of
the human condition; part of the struggle that all of us face.

BUT – you don't have to be a victim. You don't have to dwell in self-
doubt or be plagued by negative thinking. You CAN develop true
confidence in yourself --even in completely new situations where you
have no evidence of prior success.

True confidence is not about having the security of prior
accomplishment as a promise of future success. It's about leaning
forward into the future and believing in your own abilities and
skills. It's about having perspective and knowing your value. It's
about focusing on who and what you ARE, not worrying about who or
what you AREN'T.

Not sure what I mean by that? Try this exercise. Take a minute to
think about the last time you experienced feelings of self-doubt.
Can you recall the specific thoughts that went through your head at
the time? Where was your focus? Take a minute to recognize the
negative self-talk that contributed to your anxiety and self-doubt.
Consider the labels you used for yourself – words
like "inexperienced" "clumsy" "stupid" "slow" "incompetent."

It's amazing how negative labels can quietly weave their way into
our internal dialogues, coloring our self-image and powerfully
affecting the way we interact with the external world. My
grandfather used to say, "If you call someone a pig enough times,
they will start to `oink'." If you call yourself lazy or stupid or
inadequate enough times, you will be.

Now imagine for a moment that same situation… and turn your
attention to the person you really are. Who are you when you're at
your best? What are you capable of in those perfect moments? How
would your best friend describe you? What would they say are your
unique gifts? Grab a sheet of paper and write these things down.
Really look at them; absorb them. How does this picture of you
differ from the one you created in your moment of self-doubt?

If this were the picture that you held of yourself at all times –
this snapshot of you at your very best – would it give you
confidence? Doesn't this image feel better than the negative,
doubting one you assumed earlier? The fact is, YOU CHOOSE where to
focus your attention. Choose wisely.

The beliefs you hold about yourself and your abilities directly
affect your level of success. Your results simply cannot exceed your
own expectations. If you expect to fail, you will. Self-confidence
helps steer you in a positive direction – toward the goals you wish
to attain rather than toward the failure that you fear.

Look at it this way: the evidence of the past is always insufficient
to prove the success of the future. You have to have something
called "precursive faith;" faith that runs ahead of the available
evidence. Think about Olympic champions, for example. They are
constantly acting on precursive faith, anticipating success, doing
what no one could have proved they could do, and what many may have
suggested that they could never do.

If we all waited for evidence of our future success before trying
something new, nothing new would ever be accomplished. No new
discoveries. No new world records. Just the status quo.

Confidence involves leaning forward into the future and believing in
your own abilities and skills. Having confidence means having faith
in a successful outcome. It means focusing entirely on a vision of
your success and ignoring any fear or doubt that threatens it.
Confidence – like happiness – is a choice.

So forget the negative self-talk. There will ALWAYS be somebody
better than you (and I don't mean that to be discouraging). So stop
worrying about them. Stop comparing yourself. Appreciate who you
ARE.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Live your life on purpose.

____________________________

Marta Kagan is an innovative business coach, career coach and
motivational speaker dedicated to helping professional women and
entrepreneurs achieve their personal definition of success. With a
coaching style that clients describe as empowering, intuitive, and
genuine, Marta has helped countless individuals start or grow their
businesses, increase their confidence, and create better balance
between their personal and professional lives. To learn more
about how Marta can help YOU and to sign up for more FREE
tips like these, visit her website at
http://www.lifelinecoaching.com.


Tag Self Confidence Marta Kagan Positive Thinking Confidence Personal YOURSELF