Angry Lions, Angry Goats and Hungry Vultures

Our world is full of angry people, angry for things that they do not know. We use anger to protect us when we have done something wrong. We use it to hide our failures and problems. We think the louder we shout at others the more right we become. But in reality when we are angry we exhibit our low self-esteem.

Anger breaks relationships, it turns friends into enemies and it destroys our physical and mental health. It affects our personal, family, social and work life. It leads to violence, injury, misery and regrets.

Psychologists say it's not wrong to get angry. It is just one of many human emotions and it is better to express our feelings than to control them. Anger has to be managed not controlled. If not managed, it can ruin our career, our relationships and our lives.

Here are some ways to manage our anger.

1. Boost your self-esteem
Developing self-esteem is the best way to manage our anger. If managed well anger can be used to change the world, because it will help us to stand courageously for what is right, just and human.

The root of all our anger is the lack of self-esteem. We do not appreciate ourselves and do not view ourselves positively. We see only negative everywhere and in everyone. Self-esteem is the way we look at ourselves. If we view positively ourselves we will see positive all around us.

Low self-esteem is the cause of unhappiness, reduced production, depression, employee turnovers, unjust criticisms, etc. Such people are easily prone to rage and anger because they are basically unhappy people and nothing will make them happy unless they choose to be happy. They blame themselves and others for all the wrong in the world but never move their fingers to correct any of these problems. Dissatisfaction and regrets are the result of low self-esteem. To live a happy, productive life we need to accept, respect and love ourselves.

People with high self-esteem and self-respect are able to manage their anger and become great personalities. They will have fewer regrets in life and will have a memorable life with scores of friends and well-wishers around them.

2. Physician heal thyself
We go around correcting everybody else except ourselves. But we need the cure first. If we find that we often lash out at people we need a cure. The first step to cure anger is to realize that we are the cause of our anger. We need to go within ourselves and discover the real cause, which is in us.

We need to journey within ourselves and discover our feelings of anger, vengeance, and rage and find out what makes us angry. It may be our past experiences, our prejudices or our selfish interests. We must learn to handle our emotions and ourselves. We get angry with people because we have not settled our own lives. We carry with us our anger and we find fault with everybody hurting people around us and alienating ourselves in the process. No one can make us angry except ourselves just as no one can make us happy except ourselves.

When we are healed we will begin to respect, accept and love others and ourselves. It will help us to share with our opponent in a healthy and win-win manner all our disagreements and differences.

3. Become the change
We are angry because people and situations do not behave and change as we wish. Change doesn't come because we are angry and we force people to change. Change has to come in our lives first.

In order to change ourselves, we need to believe that change is possible. We are not in control of the nature, the universe, the events, and people but we are in control of ourselves. We can initiate change in ourselves and when we do this we change the world. When you change and give people time to change your anger will disappear.

4. Never react
When you are angry, close your eyes and breath in and out slowly and rhythmically for a few minutes to relax and you will surprise yourself to see that your anger is gone and that you are able to handle the situation much better without harming yourself and your opponent in any way. Never react to situations suddenly. Take time and discover the root of the problem and become proactive in handling such situations.

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. Thomas Jefferson, a great American Statesman worked out a way to handle his anger. He included it in his "Rules of Living" which describe how people should live. He says: "When angry count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."

5. Shut up and listen
When you really listen to your opponent and to yourself you will get the root cause of your anger. We must also learn to express ourselves calmly even when things are terribly wrong. Listen to the other person and realize that he too has a reason for behaving that way.

6. Communicate politely
Lack of communication skills aggravates anger. We get angry because we don't communicate well and we don't communicate because we have very low self-esteem and are afraid to tell others what we feel and who we are. Pent up feelings and suppressed emotions will erupt like uncontrollable volcanoes. Talking freely to people especially those whom we trust is a good way to manage our anger.

7. Forgive and forget
Things can go wrong for any one, but it doesn't mean that we too go wrong by getting angry. Forgiveness is one of the best ways to cure your anger. The world today needs people who are ready to forgive and forget. Anger makes us small while forgiveness makes us grow beyond what we actually are. It gives us back our friends, our laughter and our lives. Anger will disappear and life will be fun only when the thoughts of resentments are forgiven and forgotten.

8. Believe
Believe others and you will never be angry. Have confidence in others and in yourself if you wish to walk the path of success. We often become slaves of our anger instead of conquering them. For every minute we are angry we lose sixty seconds of happiness. Our minds can't think clearly when we are angry. Look at people to discover their goodness and not their faults; believe them and we will conquer our anger.

9. Become humble
Anger is afraid of humility. We must become humble enough to accept our mistakes, our limitations and be ready to tolerate the drawbacks and limitations of others. Become humble, seek help and say sorry if you don't want to have regrets in life. Anger is associated with frustration. Frustration is the result of unrealistic expectations from yourself and others. This frustration breeds rage and turns into violence. Accept your limitations; accept that you can't do everything; accept that others too can't do everything.

10. Have some fun
Fun-loving people are seldom angry. They find fun and joy in any situation. Listening to music, watching a comedy, exercising, meditating, developing our talents, going for a night out etc can help us to manage our anger.

Ralph Woener tells a fable about a young lion and a mountain goat. Quite thirsty, the animals arrived at a waterhole at the same time. They immediately began to argue about who would drink first. They were about to kill each other in their fight to drink first. As each stubbornly confronted the other, their anger turned to rage.

Just then something distracted them and they both looked up. Circling overhead was a flock of vultures waiting for the loser to fall.

That was all they needed to end their quarrel.

Anger is like suicide. It kills the one who is angry and one's relationships. There is no enemy more vicious than this.

Our world is full of angry lions and angry goats but beware of the hungry vultures flying above!

Joshy Thomas
Written by Joshy Thomas


Tag Anger manage Angry Hungry Joshy Thomas